San Francisco: Europe lost in the States

To visit a new city for the first time and to connect with it, to really find a piece of yourself in it is magical without doubt. That is even why men travel, come to think of it...To satisfy the hunger for discovery and connection. 

That first touch, first kiss with a city is what I get excited about when I travel and San Francisco was no exception to the rule. I was very, very excited to be going there. I had read all the cool city guides, and made an extensive list of all the restaurants I wanted to eat at and cocktails I wanted to drink. Even independent coffee and cigar shops had their own columns in my list. Locals' favorites mattered as well as all the typical touristic stuff. After 20 something years of active traveling, I finally have a pretty good idea of how I want to approach my discovery when I see new places. I believe that everybody has their own way of shaking hands with a new place. Some might prefer heavy listing and scheduling while others won't even book a hotel room before they set foot in the city. That's all very personal and personal is great. One thing I have personally learned about traveling is one can never really know what to expect from a new city until one is actually in it. Of all the things New York had thought me - and probably still is teaching- no expectations was the one single lesson I carry with me everywhere I go.

Other people's stories, movies or songs don't really matter. All you can expect from a new place will unveil itself as soon as you actually hear the unique buzz of the city. You know...sum of all the sounds that are very specific to a place. And the smells of course. Every city smells very differently. Only when you unite the smells and sounds of a city with photos you've seen or movies you've watched will they start to make sense. Only then a new place will become unforgettable in so many different ways.

So "Have no expectations and just go to San Francisco" was precisely what I did three years ago and boy did that work!..I fell in love with it. Absolute, unconditional love that brought me back here today. My second visit was just as amazing as the first one, if not more personal this time. On its many long and steep slopes that resembled the ones in Ankara, where I was born and lived until I was 24, I went back to my childhood streets and thought "Well, this feels homey". If you were used to living in a flat city though, you would probably feel like a space shuttle slowly reaching the peak to be launched into outer space. Needless to say my husband didn't fall in love with its slopes but he did love the sea and the seagulls and the sea lions at Pier 39 or anything that had something to do with the sea. Because that was his childhood connection San Francisco presented him. Even when we walked side by side, and stayed in the same room, ate the same food, took the same photos, our San Francisco experiences were still different. That's why discovery is beautiful and could be enjoyed alone just as much as with loved ones. 

One thing everyone seems to agree on about this city is definitely how it makes you feel like you are somewhere in Europe. It's not necessarily European per say, in the way it looks but there's definitely something about it that feels very European. I didn't try to pinpoint why, just enjoyed it. I walked alone on its streets for hours, not feeling tired, only more and more excited as the hours passed. When my feet said stop, I stopped but kept teasing my mind and my heart, sitting at a local coffee shop, trying to name all the smells and listening to its buzz, tasting its coffee; just taking it all in. Ten years from now, if I ever smell that coffee again, I will remember and think of my moments in San Francisco and say to myself, "Damn I miss that city."

A city can also leave a trace in your heart through its people. I will never forget the beautiful and unique houses in San Francisco, maybe because I took 2 million photos of them. But I will most certainly never forget its people and their conversations. Like when I was sitting in that coffee shop, a woman, who looked to be in her late twenties, met with a guy, who wore a beanie and really cool jewelry. Listening to their conversation for the fist few minutes, I thought he was a designer of some sort and was there to be interviewed for a designing gig. They certainly didn't know each other and she was asking all sorts of questions to change that. Turns out they had met on match.com and this was their first date. Their conversation and the connection they were trying to make, made San Francisco only more interesting for me. I made another connection with the city through them, not because I'm on match.com but because I, too try to touch other people's lives all the time and want people in my life who can make a difference for me. I try hard to change and to connect every day in New York so yes, I will most certainly sympathize with two people trying to do the same in a coffee shop in San Francisco. 

This city and I, we became very close friends. The kind of friends you share laughs with, not tears, fears or secrets; not the dark kind anyway. San Francisco has become what New York isn't. It's that good friend, who doesn't yet know me better than I know myself. We never had to go through difficult times together, only fun ones. Nothing but amazing food, great wine and truly unforgettable art, architecture, history...Have I mentioned good food?

Despite similarities -yes, rent is very high in San Francisco too- this city has or will never be like New York for me, my one and only. But it's not so bad either. It's my Europe lost in the States, my connection to a fun past full of good memories and who knows maybe even a future waiting to become my present. Whether I live in it some day or not, one thing is for sure: I will be back to connect with it a little more and yes, to have some more of its wines. San Francisco, you are beautiful in every way. See you next time.

Ben Kim Oldugumu Nasil Anladim

Sanirim bir kış ayıydı. Zaten kış cocugu oldugumu dusunursek, kendimi bulmamin da kışa denk gelmesi pek manidar ve uygun kacar. Yine birilerinin yaptigi bir seylere cok kizmis ve kirilmisim. Tipik 18-20 yaslarinda yasanilan soklardan birini yasiyorum. "Ama nasil?..Yani mumkun degil! Nasil?" deyip deyip duruyorum kendi kendime; tam bir bozuk plagim. Biri bana kazik mi atmis, beni aldatmis mi ne, oyle bir sey. Hayati ogreniyorum ve buraya kadar gayet siradan, normal genc bir insanim. Ilginc olan yasadigim uzuntuyu, o sirada icinde bulundugum sikintiyi paylasmak icin ve hatta sikintiyi cozmek icin icgudusel olarak basvurdugum yol: yazmak. Telefona sarilip en yakin arkadaslarima bogure bogure aglamak ya da anneme gitmek de aklima gelenler arasinda ama en on sirada degil. Her seyden once yapmak istedigim bir tek sey var sanki; kalemler aşınıp kagitlar parcalanana kadar yazmak. 

Hicbir zaman normal bir cocuk olmadim eger normal diye bir sey varsa tabi. Lisede, universitede maskelendim ve herkes gibi davranmaya basladim o kadar. O yuzden acimi paylasmak icin yazmak isteyince de garipsemedim. Otuz-kirk sayfa, kisa oyku tadinda bir mektup yazdim; ozel kanka kuryesiyle de ilgili yere gonderdim. Sonra da derin bir nefes alip hayatima devam ettim. Sanki o kadar uzulen hic ben olmamisim gibi rahattim. O mektuptan sonra yasanilacaklar onemli degildi sanki artik; sadece mektupla birlikte kusulanlar onemliydi. Her bir kelime kufur, her cumle ayri bir hayalkirikligiysa eger, yazimla birlikte ben de temizlenmistim, yeniden dogmus sifirdan baslamistim sanki. Isin garibi mektupta sevgi sozcuklerinden, asktan meskten baska bir sey yoktu. Severek cezalandirmistim kotu insanlari. Ne guzel diye dusundugumu hatirlar gibiyim. Her sinirim bozuldugunda bir mektup patlatirim olur biter o zaman demis, daha da fazla bu yazma icgudusunu kurcalamamistim. Aynen dusundugum gibi arada sirada yazdim o kadar.

Yillar sonra yine bir kış -hem de en dondurucusundan. Annem, teyzem, kuzenim, ben New York'ta bir araya gelmisiz. Hem uzun bir sure sonra yine 4 kadin birlikte tatil yapmanin heyecani icindeyiz hem de on gun birlikte olacak olmamiza ragmen New York'un buyuklugu ve normalden hizli akan saatleri yuzunden o muze senin bu mahalle benim delicesine gezmeye calisiyoruz. Metropolitan'dayiz o gun. Gezdik dolandik sira modern sanat bolumune geldi. Pek realist bir neslin, hayatta her sey icin cok calismak gerektigi ogretilmis cocuklari olan annem ve teyzem modern sanat sifatiyla muze duvarlarina asilan ve her yil milyonlarca insana sunulan bu sade tablolara inanamiyor. "Bu ne simdi ya?" diye soruyor annem. "Ya ver elime bir gazli kalem bir de kagit, bes dakikada yapayim sana aynisini" diye cevap veriyor Teyzem. Kuzenle ben de sessizce bakmaya devam ediyoruz bir iki cizgiden ve belki blok blok renklerden ibaret modern sanat tablolarina. 

Icimden hakli olabilirler mi acaba diye dusunurken anladim birden. Bilgi yarismasinda sorulan soruya kesin dogru cevabi bulmus yarismaci edasiyla aniden kirmizi butona bastim sanki ve dedim ki "Ama sen hic mutluyken, uzgunken, kizginken ya da endiseliyken resim yapmadin ki!" Mesele o resim icin cizilen cizgilerin karmasik veya basit olmasi; sanatcinin kendini ifade ederken yetmis yerine iki renk kullanmasi degildi. Bir insanin kendini ifade etmek icin icgudusel olarak resim yapmayi tercih etmis olmasiydi o tabloyu o muze duvarina astirtan. "Yapabilirdin de niye yapmadin simdiye kadar bir kere bile?" diye sordum. Cevap almak icin sordugum bir soru degildi. Kendi kendime konusuyordum daha cok. Zaten kendimin bulup kendimi tatmin ettigi bu aciklama annemi ve teyzemi ikna etmeye yeterli olmadi. Kırk kusur yillik realistleri bir anda modern sanat aşıgına donusturecek degildim. Avrupa klasiklerine dogru ilerledik.

Hayatin farkli zamanlarinda yasanan farkli olaylar arasindaki baglantilardan ibaret olduguna inanan ben, o muzede yeni bir baglanti kurmustum. Ben yazmayi seviyordum cunku bir yazardim. Henuz kendime itiraf etmemis olsam da, New York'ta otelcilik finansi okuyor ve hatta mezun olduktan sonraki yillar icerisinde de ayni konu etrafindan bir isten otekine kosacak olmama ragmen, ben bir yazardim. Insanin yazabilmesi icin illa kirasini yazarak odemesine gerek yokmus, onu anladim. Yazmak bir sonuc degil, sebepmis. Sinirlendigim icin yazmamisim o mektubu yillar once, yazamadigim icin sinirliymisim. 

Simdi yaziyorum, kirami da New York'un otelleri oduyor. Hayatimdaki en buyuk baglantilardan birini kurabildigim icin de cok mutluyum. Ben boyle anladim kim oldugumu. Dogdugumdan beri yapmak istedigim seyi bilen insanlardan degildim. Hatta kim bilir ilerde ne gibi alakasiz gorunen olaylari birbirine baglayacagim ve yeni kesifler yapacagim.

Bugun, ben bir yazarim.

Sekiz Yasindaki Duygu'ya Mektup

Canim,

Bugun 16 Ocak. Hayatimizin 29. Onalti Ocak'i. Henuz haberin yok ama ben soyleyeyim; senin icin cok onemli olacak 29. Onalti Ocak. Bir donem gelecek bu sayiya cok buyuk anlamlar yukleyeceksin, oyle ki nereye gidersen git seninle olsun isteyeceksin 29, uzerinde, bedeninde tasiyacaksin onu. En basta vazgecilmezlik yukleyeceksin ona. Gercek anlamini ise dunyada 29. yilina geldiginde anlayacaksin ancak. 29 bizim icin tam da vazgecilmezligin, sabitligin tersi bir tanem. Hayatta degismeyen tek seyin degisimin kendi oldugu; bir cesit durmaksizin yenilenen yeni baslangiclar listesi. Artik biliyor olacaksin seni sen yapan seyin her seyden once degisim oldugunu, yenilenmek oldugunu. 

Guzel kiz,

Suan bilmiyorsun ama senin hayattan cok buyuk beklentilerin olacak. Daglari delmek isteyeceksin Duygum. Bir sicrayista aya cikmak ve gunese dokunmak. Denizleri bir nefeste yuzmek isteyeceksin. Kucuk kiz, hic korkun olmasin, hepsini basaracaksin. 29 yasina kadar bir suru sey ogreneceksin, basta da sabirli olma erdemini. Dunya buna yaslanmak diyecek; sen aldirma. Hala bugunki gibi cocuk olacaksin aslinda. Hala durmaksizin hayaller kuracaksin ve sonra o hayalleri bir bir gercege donustureceksin. Bir fark olacak yalniz. Tek basina yerde oturup saatlerce oyun oynadigin odanda biri daha olacak. Beraber hayal kurup, beraber oyun oynayacaksiniz. O da senin gibi olacak; kocaman bir cocuk. Adina Ken diyelim. Sen de Barbie. Dusun ki annene yalvar yakar aldirdigin barbie evi sizinmis, icinde oyuncak Barbie'yle Ken degil de sen ve odadaki arkadasin yasiyormus. Oda senin hayatinmis, barbie evi de gercek eviniz. Hic merak etme kucuk kiz. 29 yasinda barbie icin yarattigin hayattan da guzel bir hayatin olacak, hayallerin de sonsuza kadar yasayacak.

Bir tanem,

Surekli bilinmezlikler olacak hayatinda. Merak etme onu yasamaya deger kilan tam da bu bilinmezlikler. Net cizgilerle cizip, farkli renklerle boyamaya calistigin "plan"larin aralarinda kalem kabul etmeyen, boya tutmayan beyaz bosluklar olacak. Ne kadar denersen dene o bosluklari sen dolduramayacaksin kucuk kiz. O yuzden en iyisi mi deneme, birak beyaz kalsin oralar. Zaten merak etme; rengine senin karar vermedigin yerler kendiliginden renklenince resmin daha da guzel olacak. Hatirlasana gecen sene resim dersinde sira arkadasinla beraber yaptiginiz resmi ogretmen ne kadar da begenmisti. Oyle dusun. Hayat bir resim guzel kizim; bazi yerlerini baska bir elin boyamasi gereken cok guzel bir resim.

Bir de bazen uzuleceksin Duygum. Bogazini yirtarcasina aglamak isteyeceksin. Tipki derdini anlatamadigi icin haykirarak aglayan bebekler gibi yeri gelecek kimsenin derdigini anlamadigini dusunecek, hickiriklarla aglamak isteyeceksin. Agla. Unutma ki o kucuk bebekler de aglaya aglaya ogreniyor derdini anlatmayi. Bir de dinleyerek. Herkesi ve her seyi dinle kucuk bebegim. Butun dunyayi dinle, gokyuzunu, gezegenleri, uzayi dinle. Konusarak ogrenemeyeceksin konusmayi guzel kizim, dinleyerek ogreneceksin. Sadece konusan insanlar bir tek kendi seslerini duyar bebegim. O yuzden de yanlis konusuyorlarsa eger hep oyle kalir konusmalari.

Bir de görece diye bir sey ogreneceksin 29 yasina kadar. Bu da resimdeki beyaz bosluklar gibi bir sey. Senin icin yanlis olanin bir baskasi icin dogru olabilmesi. Nasil yani dedigini, kocaman gozlerini daha da buyuterek saskinlikla bana baktigini gorur gibiyim. Hayat şaşırtıcı bir sey bebegim. O yuzden guzel. Hep şaşır, hicbir seyi biliyorum deme. Biliyorum dedigin seylerin seni şaşırtmasına izin ver. Gorece iste bu bir tanem. Bilmek diye bir sey yok; ogrenmek var sadece. Hayatta her seyi ogrenmeye calis. Yagmurun neden yagdigini ve insanlarin neden agladigini. şimşegin neden caktigini ve bazi insanlarin neden avaz avaz bagirdigini ve gunesin neden her sabah dogup her aksam yeniden battigini, ölümü ve yeni baslangiclari ögren bebegim. Hepsinin nedeni şaşırtıcı derecede ayni olabilir. Ama demin de dedigim gibi, her zaman şaşırabil bir tanem cunku goreceler arasindaki bagi ancak sasirarak fark edebilirsin. Neden dogdugunu ve 29 yasina kadar nasil yasadigini sana bu iki sey anlatacak canim; durmadan ogreneceklerin ve ogrendiklerin arasindaki göreceli iliskiler. 

Kucuk kiz,

Kafani cok karistirmis olabilirim. Sen bana aldirma, oyununu oynamaya devam et. Sadece eger arada hayat durmus gibi hissedersen bu mektubu oku. Hayat hic durmayacak bebegim, oyunun hic bitmeyecek. Hep daha da renklenerek, daha fazla oyun arkadasiyla, daha fazla oyuncakla durmadan buyuyen kocaman bir oyun parkina donusecek hayat. Icinde boya kalemlerin, barbielerin, legolarin, oyuncak hayvanlarin, topun, ipin, evcilik setin, kabak bebeklerin, arabalarin, ninja kaplumbagalarin ve daha neler neler olacak. Senin ve arkadaslarinin hep beraber ortaklasa oyun oynadigi kocaman bir park. Hayat iste bu bebegim. Sen sadece tadini cikar ve oyununa bak.

Sana söz 29 yasina kadar muthis bir oyun olacak,  29'undan sonra da her sey giderek guzellesecek. Bir dusunsene oyunun kotusu olur mu hic? Sadece yeni oyunlar olabilir kurallarini bilmedigin, onlari da ogrenirsin olur biter. Hem belki sen bir oyun yaratir, herkese de ogretirsin, fena mi olur?

Guzel kiz,

Seni cok seviyorum, bugune kadar hep sevdim, bugunden sonra da kosulsuz sartsiz sevmeye devam edecegim. Sen de seni sev. Insanlari sev, kotulerini bile. Dusun ki onlar henuz oyunu ogrenememis. Sen ogret onlara ve onlari sev. Dunyayi, uzayi ve icindeki her seyi seversen, dunyayi, uzayi ve icindeki her seyi dinlersen, bir de onlari ogrenmeye calisirsan delemeyecegin dag, tek nefeste yuzemeyecegin deniz yok bir tanem.

29 yasinda cok mutlu olacagiz. Gel seni burda bekliyorum. Sen gelince de beraber 49 yasindaki Duygunun yanina gideriz. O anlatir, biz dinleriz. Kim bilir ne oyunlar oynamistir o. Seni seviyorum. Nice 29'lara bebegim.

Duygu

91-Word Memoir Contest

I entered a contest today. I might win, or maybe not. What is definitely not going to happen is I will never know unless I try. So I did. The contest is run by one of the earliest and most eminent writing workshops in New York City called the Gotham Writers' Workshop. Only rule is that the story not be longer than 91 words, which I found excruciatingly hard. As you all know by now, I cannot write short sentences. Nevertheless, I tried. Below is what I submitted:

Same Coffee, Different Name

I’m Duygu; pretty common name in Turkey. Dionysia is my childhood friend, originally from Greece; our parents were neighbors. They argued a lot but loved each other dearly. Every night mine would offer Turkish coffee and hers would say “You mean Greek coffee?” So funny how similarities forcefully turn into differences.

Dionysia  and I live in New York now and both go by Dee. We turned differences into similarities. Besides Starbucks always gets our name right and we don’t have to decide whether coffee is Greek or Turkish. We drink Americano.

GRAND FINALE Sisterhood of Missing Red Lipsticks

On a beach at Hampton's

2: Oh my lord! What happened to you? Are you OK? Do you...Do you need any help?
1: What?! What the fuck!? What do you mean??
3: I must say darling, she's got a point.
1: WHY? I mean I know I've had a rough night but why are you two staring at me like that? 
3: Have you ever looked at yourself lately? 
2: Do you feel funny at all? Any weird feelings? On my god 3! What do you think, should we call an ambulance??
3: Ambulance? Ambulance for what? 
2: But! For her obviously!
3: Oh sure let me call an ambulance for 1 darling. Umm yes hello! Yes, is this the big hospital for broken red lipsticks? Yes...I shall need you to send an ambulance for my dear friend 1 here, she's been broken pretty badly. Yes, yes sure. The address is...let me see here for a second dear. This is Hamptons beach. Yes, darling. Alright splendid. We're waiting for you right here at the Hamptons beach. Uh huh....hmmm bye now.
2: Ha. Ha. 
3: What? I called the red lipstick ambulance. They'll be here soon! They said to tell you, number 2, that every red lipstick mattered to them dearly.
2: Fuck off! 
3: Whooo! Miss two, look at you! Fierce!
1: May I trouble one of you to fucking tell me what this is all about?
3: Are you drinking a little too much these days my dear?
1: I don't know...1 or 2...or few glasses of champagne everyday. Oh wait no, more like cocktails...
3: Oh you like cocktails too? I love cocktails. 
1: Fuck yeah! I do too! Jeez you should have been at that party the other night!! Or was it a few nights ago? I'm not sure...I can't remember. I still don't feel too well.
2: No surprises there...
1: What? What do you mean?
2: I said it's only normal that you don't feel too well. Just normal, you know...
1: Hey 3! What the fuck does she mean?
3: There there! Calm down both of you. Look. 1. You've got a problem, darling. I mean...You really are in trouble at this point.
2: Trouble? More like screwed!
1: Why?
3: Darlin' I don't have the slightest clue what might have attacked you, but...you are...you were...decapitated.
1: I was WHAT? 
2: Decapitated. It means your head was cho..
1: I FUCKING KNOW WHAT FUCKING DECAPITATED MEANS YOU LITTLE CUNT!
2: ....
3: She's lipstick #1 darling, lust. Don't take it personally. She's lusty, she can't help lusting. Besides cunt is not a bad word. It's full of life, don't you think? Such an active word...Makes you think.
2: Think? Alright here's a little thinking for you 1. Your head is not only completely chopped off from rest of your body, God knows where it might be, but it is also completely and utterly covered in shit. Based on my experience, I would say that this is dog shit. I should know. My dear Dee had one. So it is pretty safe to say that some poor dog bit your head off, swallowed you and then pooped you out. I swear to sweet Jesus I hope that poor puppy is alright.
1:...3?? Is she right about all this?
3: Depends. 
1: On what?
3: On whom she meant when she said "my dear Dee". Who is Dee, darling 2?
2: Dee is my first pair of lips or was I should say. She forgot me at her doctor's bathroom.
1: WHAT?
2: I know 1. It's not the most prestigious place to be forgotten or the fact that I was forgotten to begin with but I hardly think that you're in a better position to judge me.
1: No you arrogant love song! I'm surprised about the Dee part!!
3: You too?
1: What do you mean? Why are you surprised?! Oh! Don't even tell me! You too??
2: I am sorry I think all of you are grossly mistaken. I was special to my dear Dee. She didn't want any red lipstick, she wanted me!
1: Hahaha. Thanks number 2 for the laugh! I guess one can laugh even when buried neck deep in dog shit.
3: I must say, that was really funny, darling. So funny that it wasn't even naive. Not even for you.
2: I don't care what you think! I was the one for her. Her only love.
1: She bought me first you idiot! She discovered red with me! Not you! you're just a cheap follow up to my spectacle! 
3: Ladies. Please, I must apologize and bring both of you back to your senses by saying, I was her last red lipstick and yes maybe she did forget me in a bathroom too. But at least it was a luxurious one with golden faucets and cloth towels, not a white-tiled,  tight doctors bathroom, where hand sanitizer is constantly battling the smell of piss and tears of sorrow.
1: Wait, where was this hotel? I might check in and get back in shape.
2: Get back in shape? You need to get back in your container first!
1: Oh piss off!! Go show some love to crabs or something.
3: Hotel is right behind us, ladies. That big one over there. We were here to sell it to some new investors in town and she forgot me while she was freshening up at the bathroom. 
1: Did you roll down here all the way from up there?
3: Please, darling. I don't roll, I get carried around. I've met this darling couple, who were both cheating on their own spouses with each other. One thing led to another and you know...
2: What?
3: Darling, we had sex, but of course! 
2: Oh my God! So you've helped murder love!
3: Murder love? Darling, love dies on its own and do you even know why?
2: A) no it doesn't and B) even if it does it's because of liars like you!
1: Actually, it's because of lust, or lack thereof. If I'm gone, you're gone miss love bug. Don't you forget that! You exist because I do!
3: Well, one could argue that love exists only because lies do but I won't get in the way of an argument between love and lust. It's too much fun, I certainly can't miss it.
2: I exist because I come before you two. Lust is born out of love and lies out of lust. There's no argument here. Sorry!
1: Jesus, how the fuck did you end up here anyway!?
2: Well...After she forgot me at the doctors bathroom, this nice gentleman found me and took me to his wife, who was very ill. She was in a hospital and she looked almost lifeless. You know...colorless...So sad, really. So he gave me to her and I kissed her lips. It was such an emotional moment! Full of love. Her love, his love, my love for their love.
1: Oh my God! I think I've put thrown up in my mouth.
3: Oh I sort of dozed off...Wake me up when she's finished.
2: You two...I won't even try with you two...
3: Please sweetheart. Don't give up on us! Finish the story. We're listening! Promise.
1: Speak for yourself!
2: Anyway! So this couple's daughter came to visit her. She was in her 20s and had a boyfriend. The mother, oh that sweet loving woman, gifted me to her daughter, who was coming here to Hamptons for the weekend together with her boyfriend. After a party at their friend's villa, they came down here to watch the sunrise and that's when I slipped out of her back pocket.
1: You ran away?
2: Yes! What's with your tone?
3: I mean....I didn't think you were the free spirited type either, darling.
2: I am not! My name is Love. Are you kidding? I am loyal!
1 and 3: HAHAH. 1: Love is not fucking loyal. 3: Love can be many things darling but loyal is not one of them.
2: FUCK YOU BOTH!
1: Wow!! 2! Such life in you, for the first time! Maybe we should get you angry more often.
3: No but did you find it at least?
2: Find what?
3: Love darling! Your own?
2: No. Instead I found you two.
3: Well...here's what I suggest ladies...We cannot go back to our stores in Manhattan. We are all nonreturnable at this point. I don't know about you but I personally like the beach.
1: Yes. Full of half naked men and women. Life is good here if you ask me!
2: Everybody seems to love something or someone here. I've seen women in love with their jewels, men with their cars and even few people with each other. I am OK here.
3: Splendid! So we are staying then? 
1 and 2: Yes.
3: Perfect! My dear red lipstick ladies, welcome to your new life at the Hamptons.
1 and 2: Welcome!
2: Shouldn't we find an apartment first?
1: Or a hotel room for the night?
3: Yes, yes definitely.
2: And then we need to find a furniture store. For the apartment.
1: Or a car! I'm not fucking walking everywhere.
3: Yes that too, certainly. But first things first. We need to baptize our newly declared sisterhood of red lipsticks with a glass of champagne or two, wouldn't you agree?
1: No. Let's make it cocktails!
2: I am a wine woman. Rose preferably. 
3: Good! I know the excellent place for all three. Shall we? 

As they were getting on their way to the luxury hotel right across from the beach, Dee was on her way out of the hotel. She was going back to Manhattan. It doesn't matter if she had a good time at the grand ball, on the way to which she forgot red lipstick #1, or if she was given good news at her doctors appointment, where she forgot red lipstick #2 or even if she successfully sold the luxury hotel at the Hampton's.

What matters was that unintentionally she had united lust, love and lies. As dangerous as they are together, they are also nothing without each other. They are their own reason to exist and results of their existence. They might think they had Dee to thank for their sisterhood but they were in fact inseparable since universe started to exist. It's only a matter of time before they find each other again and again, every lifetime, every single time. As long as the world keeps spinning. sisterhood of red lipsticks shall keep being for love needs lust to survive and lust needs love to make sense while lies keeps them together.

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Writer's Note: Red Lipsticks 1, 2 and 3 were not harmed intentionally, though definitely lost. Any injuries they encountered were solely due to personal choices they made. I loved every single one of them and loving my current one. I did attempt to lose it once, at a New Year's party in my friend's place. She was reunited with me safely, though I am sure she mingled with my friend's perfumes and maybe even her husband's ties. I do apologize for any unladylike behaviors she might have performed that night. She is after all a red lipstick and you know what they say about women, who wear red lipsticks. They are passionate, full of love and a little devilish. I should know. 

Morning Pages - Red Lipstick #3

Red Lipstick #3

Lucifer

What? You think you're a big shot now that you're a business woman!? What are you doing in hotel industry anyway?..You should be in an industry for lying? Isn't everyone only lying to each other to get the business done? Why give all these industries different names? They're all the same thing; lies. We are all in the business of lying; not networking, not making connections, not calculating risk or analyzing profits. We are all lying. So don't be so proud Miss Dee. Misleading Miss Dee. You won't get far without lying. In fact, if I were your mouth, which I kind of am since I live on your lips, I would only open myself up for lying. There's no worth in anything else, am I not right? Oh Miss Dee..Where are we going now anyway? What are we doing in this town? What is it called? Let me take a peek at your phone here. By the way, you lied to me when you said I would have my own special bag pocket! Look at me sitting next to your precious Iphone. Jesus....bunch of bullshit...that's what it is...I don't like your Iphone. It's white, symbol of purity. Purity my ass. As pure as Chinese children's sweat working on the Iphone assembly line for 12 hours/day...Bunch of lies...

Anyway, let me ask my dear pure friend Iphone where we are. Hamptons! Oh boy! I like the Hamptons...Everything is so superficial that it almost becomes the truth. Their own version of it anyway. I feel comfortable here. Nice work Miss Dee. That's right, you have that investor's meeting today! You're going to try to convince a bunch of evil men to buy that hotel property in the Hamptons, aren't you? That's why you're wearing red lipstick you sneaky evil woman you! Well...there's no business deal I cannot close, let me tell you that. This deal is yours sweetie pie; just don't forget to apply an extra coat, will you? There's no truth that cannot be covered up with the lies of a of red lipstick, dear. Let's sell us some hotels.

At the bathroom of a hotel
Hamptons

Miss Dee! How many times do I have to tell you? Two coats aren't enough! Come on now. Do one more. Miss Dee! Stop playing with your phone, would you? Your phone is not going to save the day here honey. I will. Seal it with a kiss as they say...(giggling) Now there, there! I am only joking. You wouldn't be offended by a silly joke now, would you? Miss Dee! You need to pay attention here. Miss Dee? Miss Dee! Oh-uh...Miss Dee, are you or are you not coming back? I can tell you now that you'll be sorry if you go back out there without a third coat of red lipstick! You are not evil enough, yet. Miss Dee?..

Oh bloody hell, she really did leave me here, didn't she...How dare she? She didn't even bother to lie to my face, she just walked out on me...Oh well...At least I got rid of that fucking phone. What now? Can I lie my way out of this bathroom? Next woman who comes along, I will lie to. Easy peasy.  There! Here she comes. Oh excuse me madam! I think I've had a little too much champagne, I cannot seem to find my way back to my hotel room. Would you please be a dear and help me get out of here? Darling? Oh my! You are not a madam, but a mister! And you're not alone? What are you people doing here? Are you really making out in the bathroom of a hotel? Really? And I have to sit here, listen to it all? Magnificent. 

5 minutes later

Are you guys done? Good. Now if one of you could notice me and we could get out of here, that would be swell. Hmm...she is a hot one. Good for you mister! How many people did you have to lie to do her at a hotel bathroom? And you Madam! How many people did you do in a hotel bathroom? You two look like you were made for each other. Wonderful...Oh yes, thanks! Finally! Yes...I know. I am a great lipstick. Yes, red would look so hot on her. Should you take me? Yes, you should. What's that madam? You're worried I might give you herpes but you're okay fucking strangers in hotel bathrooms? Well, you are quite the piece of work, you know that. Yes, stop with the bullshit. Just let this fine man take me, give me to you and you to your lips please, so that we can all get out of here? Thank you! Where's our next stop guys? Off to the room so soon? If you're going to make me work all night, you could at least do me the courtesy of liquoring me up a little, no? I miss old world liars! Such gentlemen, you know. Today? Today everybody lies for fun; it's not a sport like it used to be. We lie just because. Sad really but it is the truth; the truth about lying. Oh won't you look at that!? Miss Dee is still here at the restaurant trying to close her deal. Miss Dee darling, don't waste your beautiful breath. You won't close this deal, you are not wearing my third coat. And me? Oh Miss Dee, I miss you. And yes, I just lied.

Morning Pages - Red Lipstick #2

Red Lipstick #2

LOVE

Oh Dee I am so happy you brought me to the office today. I've had such a lovely day with you. I was in my special bag pocket first and then you took me out, put me on the desk. You even talked about me with your boss. You have no idea how happy you make me when you recommend me to others. Goes to show that you really care about me. There's nothing more important than the love bond you and I have, you know. We can overcome anything if we're together. Your love for red with my love for you. Ahh...And now. Look at us now at your doctor's. You and I are more than just a pair of walking lips and red lipstick. I mean I am at your doctors with you. What other red lipstick came to the doctors with you? These are your most intimate, most private moments. Just think about it. You're most vulnerable when you are trying to heal, aren't you? It is your weakest moment when you know you're not one hundred percent well. If it isn't love to share those weak moments, what is? I can't believe I am declaring my love to you at the bathroom of your doctors but...Ohh what the hell! Dee, I love you. ... Aren't you going to say something? Won't you look at me, please? Where are you going? Dee? Dee! Come back to me, please. I am sorry I caught you off guard. Dee!! Don't turn off the lights! You know I don't like darkness. DEEEE!! 

She didn't really leave me here, did she? She wouldn't. She couldn't have because she cares about me. All this time we've been together, she has always taken very good care of me. I even had a special pocket in her bag, just like that special place in her heart. She is not leaving me! She's coming back. I know it.

5 Minutes Later

Bathroom at the Doctors

Won't you look at that?...Just like I've said. She's coming back for me. I can hear her footsteps. Hi Dee...But...Who...Where is...Who are you, Mister? Could you please call for Dee. Please tell her I have been waiting here in the dark for a while now but it's OK. I am not mad at her. Just a little scared of the darkness. Please, she'll understand, just tell her I am here. But no! Don't look at me while you're...you know, using the bathroom.I don't like that. OK I am going to look the other way until you're finished, sir but please do know that I don't appreciate this. Hey, what are you lifting me up for? First of all, you are a man, sir. Men don't wear lipstick. Not that I know of. Do you wear lipstick, sir? I mean...I might not be able to create that special bond with you, sir. The one I have with Dee...I would like to think that I am open-minded but still...Sir...this is happening all so fast. I miss Dee....

At a hospital

Upper West Side

Where are we now anyway? You just put me in your coat pocket, which I must say was very rude of you. I was cold and those 4 cents in your pocket kept bothering me the whole way. They were very loud; you should teach them some manners. Ahh...Who am I talking to? I forgot that you don't listen anyway. What is this place? A hospital room? This is not Dee's doctor's office. Who is this lovely lady here? Is she your wife? Why did she really marry you?..Sorry. That was uncalled for. I'm sorry but she's too sweet. She shouldn't be lying here on a hospital bed. My dear sir, is she the reason you brought me in here? Would you like me to try and cheer her up? I can definitely bring back some color to her beautiful face. There you go. Let me give her a soft kiss and l can promise you she will feel more alive than ever.

There. Just a tiny bit. Well, won't you look at that sir?! She feels better already. Did you see her smile when she looked at the mirror? I, for one sir can feel the love between you two. I can see it in your eyes and in her smile. I have to tell you; I miss Dee dearly. She is my one and only but being here with you is not so bad either. Where there is love, there is me and my red. I am in the essence of love. You see, when love is happy, it screams out red laughters. When love is sad, it bleeds in red. I make it happen, sir. I turn love red, just like I turned your lovely wife's lips red and my Dee's. I hope she is safe and sound right now wherever she might be. I love her but today I will love your wife, sir. Keep me by her side and stay at the other, sir. Together, we will make your wife well. Together, you and I, we will fill her up with love and health, sir.